The world breaks your heart, and instincts and fear tell you to run away from the pain, to numb it, to distract yourself from it in any way possible; or, on the other hand, to run not towards the pain but straight into it so that it consumes you and you become it, wallowing in pity, complaining, self-sabotaging, and tearing yourself, others, and the world down as much as you can, as the eternal victim must.
If you are like many of us, when pain and struggles come your way that see too hard to overcome, you assume victim status with such an effortless ease, one could easily mistake it as the very skin you were born into. It fits you perfectly. It feels good. You even think it looks good on you. Victim mentality past a certain point is addicting and, although it feels bad, it feels good just the same—as all addictions do.
Your initial instinct, or reaction, to heartbreak is to do anything but face it, anything but sit still with it and find the lesson in it, anything but let it break your heart completely. Thus, you run away from the pain, or so you think, by numbing. Unfortunately this tactic is always fruitless and proves more painful in the end. When you numb the bad you numb the good, creating a chronic, low grade miserable existence preventing you from feeling genuine joy, ecstasy, passion, and the all-consuming love and beauty from others and from the magical universe we currently reside in ...and that is always worse than the heartbreak you ran from for all of those very same reasons.
The cold, hard to hear truth is this: running from pain and attempting to numb it means what was broken will never truly be repaired, because you must first allow yourself to fully break and feel your pain and sorrow on your deepest levels to ever fully mend the parts of you that have been wounded. You must ensure there are no lingering pieces—no remains of brokenness unattended to—left in your heart and soul which will prevent you from ever becoming an integrated whole, human being again.
Addressing and working with the most painful areas within is CRUCIAL if you wish to live an ensouled, inhabited life ever again (or, ever, period, if you never did in the first place). In fact, it is the most crucial part of healing which must occur in order to feel whole and alive again —going to the places within you want to avoid the most because they are so dark and suffocating they make you feel as if you might die if you do. Going to those places is, in fact, entirely nonnegotiable in any healing process. It is the juice, it is where the full healing and insurmountable growth pain is capable of invoking lies. You can face it, so long as you remember this fact: although the process of healing your greatest inner wounds may make you feel like you are going to die, it won’t actually kill you. In fact, a part of you might die, but only to give birth to another amazing part.
You will survive the process, and the more you learn to work with pain and heartbreak in this way, the more you trust your resilience to overcome pain and struggle. You know that in addressing pain within which is so great the magnitude of it feels like it could kill you means you will not literally die, but you will die to some part of yourself that is no longer necessary and is probably even hindering your soul’s expansion. You will die to yourself over and over again, so new parts of yourself may surface and be born over and over again throughout the course of your life ...if you brave the inner work of facing your pain fully.
The cycle will continue, it is a part of life. There is pain, and there is magic and pleasure. The most important thing to remember is you cannot exclude one of those (i.e. pain or any other uncomfortable emotion) without excluding the others either entirely or to some degree. The degree to which you run from and numb pain and discomfort is the degree to which you simultaneously run from the magic of life, the beauty, the awe and wonder that makes each breath of this life worth it.
In the end, there is only one tragic scenario which running from struggle, pain, and discomfort leads: you continuously distract yourself with external useless things and/or numb yourself (whether it’s with things as seemingly harmless as binge watching TV all day every day, or with actual life threatening addictions such as drug abuse) in order to avoid sitting in stillness with yourself and simply being; because that’s when the broken, uncomfortable parts within surface, and you fear you are too weak to face them, too weak to survive them. Thus, you continuously “do”, to the point where you become more of a human DOING than a human BEING.
So, my promise is this: the world breaks your heart sometimes, it always will. Let it. Don't run away from pain, but towards it. Certainly, do not invite it in or go looking for it, but when it inevitably comes, let it. Let it break you beyond repair of your previous self, trusting that when it mends your heart—and it will, it always does—you will be a changed person. A person who is wiser, able to trust in their intuition, more rooted in themselves, and connected to the invisible life force within and without.
Eventually, you come to realize the fact that the world will break your heart is guaranteed. However, that the world will also help put it back together and fill it with beauty and strength you never knew existed is also guaranteed ...and in that moment of clarity, you will know allowing yourself to break so you may be born again was more than worth it and was the kindest thing you could have ever done for yourself.